


Written in tattoos

by sciencebitch



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Emotionally Repressed, Grief/Mourning, M/M, One Shot, Past Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, Post-First War with Voldemort, Post-Sirius Black in Azkaban, Remus is struggling, Sad Sirius Black, Sirius Black Free from Azkaban, Sirius is broken, Tattooed Sirius Black, Tattoos, Tired Remus Lupin, broken relationship, just straight up sadness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-02
Updated: 2021-01-02
Packaged: 2021-03-11 22:35:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28500042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sciencebitch/pseuds/sciencebitch
Summary: Deep regret choked the air between them. The lost years. A void of memories.They had known each other as boys, but now they met as men, they were unrecognizable.Almost.
Relationships: Sirius Black & Remus Lupin, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 6
Kudos: 27





	Written in tattoos

"Show them to me,"

Sirius stared at his fragmented reflection in the window, hollow eyes glinting within his own darkened silhouette. Disdain etched across each of the scars on his face: the same face that once, in a distant dream, was so soft with hope and strung with wit.

A ghost of the man Sirius had once been had returned to them from Azkaban and Remus' heart burned at the sight of him. Seeing him like this was just salt in the wound that had been cut into him when they’d first taken Sirius and all the foolish fantasies Remus had thought up about how he would return.

For everyday since he’d gone, it had been a new story, a new way that he could come back, and how he would be when he did. Remus had imagined everything: pain, joy, the elation of being reunited; everything but this.

Deep regret choked the air between them. The lost years. A void of memories.

They had known each other as boys, but now they met as men, they were unrecognizable.

Almost.

Remus knew the soul within the man in front of him. It had been tainted by guilt, grief, hatred, anguish: yes. But those had always been familiar to Sirius: old friends just paying their painful visits once more.

"They've made me a savage, Remus."

 _No. Please, Sirius. You must know who you are._ Remus’ heart begged him to speak with every stuttering beat. _You must see you how I see you._

Sirius was angry at the world. Remus had watched him avoid his reflection at all costs since his return. He didn’t want to see what the world had done to him, knowing everything he was before, everything he could have been. Until this moment: and now he had seen, he couldn’t look away. This was the truth. The only truth.

“Nothing more than a savage.” Said Sirius.

Remus had been angry at the world. Now he was just tired.

The floorboards creaked as he dared a step towards Sirius. He could see Sirius glance to the side as he neared, catching him in the reflection of the glass. It was the first time Remus had looked into his eyes in a lifetime and for a single moment nothing had changed, and then Sirius blinked.

Remus could see the transformation in Sirius laid out before him like a map. It was not dissimilar to that he’d seen in others around him, as the icy claws of adulthood had dragged them from their youth. After the war no one had been the same and Sirius could have almost been like everyone else.

Almost.

But there was no understanding in Sirius’ eyes. He hadn’t been there with them to grieve and fight and, after everything, grow. He had been utterly alone. The rasping breaths of dementors like one, drawn out death knell to his ears, reminding him of his imminent end within that nightmare place.

“Show them to me,” Remus repeated.

He stepped closer, until he stood right behind Sirius and he was sure Sirius was watching him in the reflection again.

Remus took a hand to Sirius’ shoulder and gently lifted his thick, black coat from him. He let it fall to the floor at their feet, revealing Sirius’ bare back. And, of course, the tattoos.

His eyes fell over the patterns that blackened Sirius’ skin. Each letter and symbol a pact that binded his story to his body.

Remus gulped and tried to catch Sirius’ eye in the reflection but his head was hung low, his hair falling as dark, silken locks over his shoulders, his figure lean, skin worn.

“What are they?” Remus asked, wanting to reach out and run a hand over the markings.

“A reminder of who I am.”

“They’re beautiful.”

Sirius laughed sardonically. “You used to think I was too.” He turned to face him and Remus’ eyes passed over his features, grey and gaunt. Sirius didn’t meet his gaze.

There were things he could have said, but Remus had never been the brave one.

They were the closest they’d been in so long, but nothing proved their distance more. Maybe, in another life, if twelve years hadn’t split them apart, they could look each other in the eyes and see more than just another broken man, know each other as they had once done. But it had been too far, too long.

The cracks that Remus had struggled to hold together with hope for so many years were crumbling away and within the words on Sirius' skin he saw his own story fade; the part he had played in Sirius’ life slip away. He was just a memory.

Sirius stared at his reflection. He was alone in the room.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed
> 
> I would love to hear thoughts, as I've never written for this relationship before
> 
> also please tell me if the ending made sense or at least what you think is going on because I'm not sure if I said enough
> 
> happy new year☺️


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